Friday, October 14, 2011

Love, Companionship and Chronic Illness

     This can be a touchy or at least a very sensitive subject for many people.  In light of my own circumstances I've been doing lots of reading up on this subject.  

     Many of us that are in 24/7 pain, fatigue and much more happening to our bodies on a daily basis, can't find it in ourselves to even think of having a partner in life.  Heck, I look in the mirror and wouldn't want to date myself, so how do I expect someone else to find me attractive?  

So, I then tell myself, "I'm tough" "I don't need someone else to worry about" and many many more mantras.     

     The truth of the matter is do I really want to be alone?  No absolutely not. Oh, I do have my children, my internet friends and neighbors I talk to.  That is not quite filling the spot that remains empty.  I know many of us here online can relate to having those days that you just curl up in bed and say "I don't want to be strong today".  I wouldn't say it falls into a case of depression though, just loneliness.  My back is killing me, who do I ask to rub it?  I need a hug and someone to hold me so I can have a good cry, ask the neighbor?  Hehehe....that would go over really well.  

     Do we fib to ourselves because we feel so sick, and tell ourselves we don't deserve someone?  How about we don't feel we have anything to offer?   Having Lyme Disease or another chronic illness pretty much makes us housebound so going on a date is a nearly comical prospect. 

     A very wonderful article to read is Transcending Illness.  The author makes some very good suggestions in the paragraph "Coping Strategies for Transcending Illness".  This article and many others I looked at were very informative about having a chronic illness and the impact on the patients friends and family and the day to day grind of living with these illnesses.  I could not however find any posts that resemble a "how to" guide for relationships.  

Here's a site that at least gives us hope of finding a companion or the love of our lives. Chronic Babe . com .   

     I haven't come up with any for sure answers to this dilemma but I do believe we need to keep this conversation going and maybe find a way we all can find someone to share our physical lives with.  The internet is a valuable tool in that it keeps us out of isolation but it will never replace the comfort of holding someones hand.  

Cyber hugs to all my beautiful and loving friends and supporters on this journey.